I gave away all my batteries today. Free of charge.


Kid: Dad, Im hungry.
Dad: Hi Hungry, Im dad.


Without nipples, boobs would be pointless.


Dad: How do you make holly water?
Kid: I dont know, how?
Dad: You just boil the hell out of it.


Dad: Whats the difference between a piano, a tuna and glue?
Kid: What?
Dad: You can tuna piano, but you cant piano a tuna.
Son: What about the glue?
Dad: I knew youd get stuck there.


I just learned sign language. Its quite handy.