North Korea allows English Premiere League Broadcasting |
Published in North Korea 
- Social interactions and entertainment - 2 - 27 May 25 03:40
PYONGYANG — In a majestic display of cultural superiority and ideological hygiene, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea has graciously agreed to allow limited exposure to the so-called “English Premier League,” a sporting spectacle once thought irredeemably drenched in capitalist filth.
NO LIVE BROADCASTS — ONLY VICTORY AFTER VETTING
In a move praised by Ministry of Truth’s Department of Temporal Harmony, no matches shall be shown live, preventing the infiltration of time-based propaganda or unpredictable western joy. Each match will be reviewed for ideological purity, with “unsuitable behaviors” such as goal celebrations, free market advertisements, or players exhibiting personal ambition swiftly erased.
ENGLISH LANGUAGE — ELIMINATED!
Any subversive language on stadium banners — such as Premier League, Carabao, or Let’s Go Chelsea — will be replaced with empowering slogans such as:
“Football is Discipline, Not Entertainment!”
“Run Faster for the Supreme Leader!”
“Score Goals for Juche, Not for Fame!”
Graphics will be replaced with state-sanctioned animations of victorious workers and tractors crossing rivers.
FORBIDDEN CLUBS — AGENTS OF SOUTHERN PERVERSION
The imperialist clubs Tottenham Hotspur, Wolverhampton Wanderers, and Brentford FC have been permanently banned from all broadcasts, due to their treasonous employment of southern puppet players: Son Heung-Min, Hwang Hee-Chan, and Kim Ji-Sung — known provocateurs of the footballing front.
FUTURE VISION: KPA FOOTBALL LEAGUE TO REPLACE EPL BY 2028
In a moment of great ambition, the Ministry of Physical Excellence has declared its plan to replace the English Premier League entirely by 2028 with the Korean People’s Army Revolutionary Football League, where matches will last precisely 37 minutes and end in predetermined socialist draws to prevent capitalist greed.
In the meantime, citizens are encouraged to tune in to the Weekly Football Rectification Broadcast, Saturdays at 6 p.m., where a single approved match will be aired, introduced by a 20-minute patriotic ballet featuring tanks, pigeons, and loyal midfielders saluting the Great Leader after each pass.
LONG LIVE CONTROLLED SPORT! LONG LIVE THE SUPREME LEADER! LONG LIVE EDITED FOOTBALL!
END OF TRANSMISSION
TRUTH IS VICTORY – VICTORY IS GUO LYAM KOOR!Support
Kosingastavi29El Gran TITSMINAT0R69PolkBorisBaiVANEBaiVANEBaiVANElHadesl
Comments (2)
27 May 25 09:06
DeflectionLainomind е безродник - турски еничар ролплейващ с няколко корейски акаунта.
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