hello dear edom citizens

today I read article of my celestial brother Danider and I felt that we are sharing same curse so I wanna talk about same matter from another perspective

there is some kind a therapy or cult or whatever you can call it in all world named mediation aka TM

my mother used to attend their sessions and read their books and always insisted that I should give a try

basically this therapy consists of focusing on a certain meaningless voice in a silent room and trying to not to think about anything but just voice and after a period of time you will find peace and fall asleep

so I decided to read of their books and even attended one of their sessions I cant remember exactly was it written in that book or they talked about that session

anyways knowledge that I obtained was that in time as you make more progress in this kind of therapy you will be able to do it in noisy and crowded place and you wont need to focus on that voice and you can do it instantly

and guess what

people know me closely in real life and even in game know that sometimes while talking in real life or voice chat or chatting with them for some short period of time I dont talk with them or I dont listen to them to be brief I m not there

truth is I m there but my brain locks down itself I dont see I dont hear I dont feel as you unconsciously breath or you heart beats I avoid for example hitting people it the street or getting hit by a car or falling in a hole in the street but as I said unconsciously I do the thing people practice many years in that cult for many years naturally

and where I m when I m not there I m deep in my thoughts so deep that the part of my brain responsible for unconscious functions of my body is allowed to take control of more it is allowed in normal people and I think it is because my brain wants me do survive while it is technically shut down

in that state I can put my box anywhere and tell me that I put it somewhere else I always carry that box with myself I always lose it and I always find it somewhere that I dont expect to find it

simple explanation that I found for it is that in different people their bodies have different abilities for example some are fast some are strong some agile
but it comes with a cost strong people cant be fast at the same time or agile people like thieves who pick pocket cant run from you as fast as they rob you

same shit about structure of our brains when they are programmed by our DNA to be strong in one aspect they tend to lack strength in other aspects ofc there are some exception but normally things work that way

best example of this are people with autism their brains are so abnormally shaped to be strong in aspect of for example calculating or analyzing world around them that they lack emotional parts of brain needed to communicate with people around them hence they look weird and sadly considered sick people

and well yeah I think I have some minor autism when this shit happens most people get annoyed at me cause I forget what we were talking about or what we were doing together

so yes I always carry that box I always think that I placed in my bag and I always find it somewhere that I never expect

and why all this shit happens cause my brain is hungry it always look for interesting ideas and subjects to work on it and when for some time it doesnt find something interesting this hunger increases over time so when it finds what it was looking for it shuts down and just keep the parts active enough  for me to survive

kind regards

an autistic 

Kaveh